Showing posts with label Company. Show all posts
My Experience Says...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Dear children, I will now teach you how to destroy a start up company that is destined to do well, really well.
1. Never try to understand your business model. Don't get your basics right.
2. Have no goals and long-term strategies. Think only about short-term gains and quick money.
3. Never think about improving or stabilizing your existing products. Just ignore.
4. Start working on products that are related to your existing business but which require huge investment and manpower. This should be done even when you know that you don't have sufficient funds.
5. Bring in all your friends and relatives into the company without thinking of their relevance to the organization and their strategic fit (Don't forget to pay them well.).
6. Make it a habit to listen to them and believe them more than your older employees.
7. Fall for employees who are con men and swindlers and handover all your crucial data to them.
8. Conduct team meetings and listen patiently to all the business inputs given by the experienced employees. Sounding odd. Read it again, it says listen, just listen and only listen.
9. Don't try to put processes in place as they would make life easy for your employees and might prompt them to stay with the company for long.
10. Propagate that your company is growing, spend lakhs of rupees on hiring new people, put them under your wily friends as part of their probation, tease and torment them and finally throw them out of the organization. This will help you in securing negative publicity about the company quickly.
11. Ask dogs to carry loads and donkeys to bark.
12. Never speak to your employees when the company is not doing well. Instead, sack people mercilessly and still expect others to remain loyal to you.
So children, hope you have learnt a few vital tips on how to ruin a company's future. Now it's your turn to identify a few companies that have followed the above tips strictly and got the fruits.
Readers are welcome to post their tips for the children.
1. Never try to understand your business model. Don't get your basics right.
2. Have no goals and long-term strategies. Think only about short-term gains and quick money.
3. Never think about improving or stabilizing your existing products. Just ignore.
4. Start working on products that are related to your existing business but which require huge investment and manpower. This should be done even when you know that you don't have sufficient funds.
5. Bring in all your friends and relatives into the company without thinking of their relevance to the organization and their strategic fit (Don't forget to pay them well.).
6. Make it a habit to listen to them and believe them more than your older employees.
7. Fall for employees who are con men and swindlers and handover all your crucial data to them.
8. Conduct team meetings and listen patiently to all the business inputs given by the experienced employees. Sounding odd. Read it again, it says listen, just listen and only listen.
9. Don't try to put processes in place as they would make life easy for your employees and might prompt them to stay with the company for long.
10. Propagate that your company is growing, spend lakhs of rupees on hiring new people, put them under your wily friends as part of their probation, tease and torment them and finally throw them out of the organization. This will help you in securing negative publicity about the company quickly.
11. Ask dogs to carry loads and donkeys to bark.
12. Never speak to your employees when the company is not doing well. Instead, sack people mercilessly and still expect others to remain loyal to you.
So children, hope you have learnt a few vital tips on how to ruin a company's future. Now it's your turn to identify a few companies that have followed the above tips strictly and got the fruits.
Readers are welcome to post their tips for the children.
Gone!
Friday, February 08, 2008
Today is a very sad day. I mourn on the occasion of the snatching away of my LCD Monitor (of course given by my esteemed organization called Ochre Media)from me. The story unfolds the following way.
A new recruit joined our prestigious Art Department. As our organization is growing (in terms of no. of employees and crap), we don't have space and infrastructure to accommodate any new employees. We are being told since ages that we would move to a new building and that will solve all our problems. I really doubt as the four storied building will have two more ________________companies.
Coming to the point, the new art team member had to be given an LCD monitor. As mentioned, we have very poor infrastructure and having a spare LCD monitor is equal to a Hindi film winning an Oscar. There are a few LCD monitors - 3 with the sales people and one with Mr.Vinay of BIU (Business Intelligent Unit)- I really don't know why this name was given to our department.
I loved it and asked my lazy IT fella to give me that after a sales bugger had ditched and left the company. Four months happy. Then tragedy struck like a Malayalam dubbing movie. As sales people are dearer to our management for reasons best known to TRS, their LCDs were not taken and without any prior request, my lovely LCD Monitor was confiscated. Gone!
I protested this by not working the whole day and this had the desired effect. Our IT manager had come to me and promised to give me a 17" monitor (which I was using earlier). Though this is not a big achievement, I believe that this will give our department, which I believe is the core of our organization, a big boost to get LCD Monitors in place of the existing the ______________________old monitors.
A new recruit joined our prestigious Art Department. As our organization is growing (in terms of no. of employees and crap), we don't have space and infrastructure to accommodate any new employees. We are being told since ages that we would move to a new building and that will solve all our problems. I really doubt as the four storied building will have two more ________________companies.
Coming to the point, the new art team member had to be given an LCD monitor. As mentioned, we have very poor infrastructure and having a spare LCD monitor is equal to a Hindi film winning an Oscar. There are a few LCD monitors - 3 with the sales people and one with Mr.Vinay of BIU (Business Intelligent Unit)- I really don't know why this name was given to our department.
I loved it and asked my lazy IT fella to give me that after a sales bugger had ditched and left the company. Four months happy. Then tragedy struck like a Malayalam dubbing movie. As sales people are dearer to our management for reasons best known to TRS, their LCDs were not taken and without any prior request, my lovely LCD Monitor was confiscated. Gone!
I protested this by not working the whole day and this had the desired effect. Our IT manager had come to me and promised to give me a 17" monitor (which I was using earlier). Though this is not a big achievement, I believe that this will give our department, which I believe is the core of our organization, a big boost to get LCD Monitors in place of the existing the ______________________old monitors.
