Dear children, I will now teach you how to destroy a start up company that is destined to do well, really well.
1. Never try to understand your business model. Don't get your basics right.
2. Have no goals and long-term strategies. Think only about short-term gains and quick money.
3. Never think about improving or stabilizing your existing products. Just ignore.
4. Start working on products that are related to your existing business but which require huge investment and manpower. This should be done even when you know that you don't have sufficient funds.
5. Bring in all your friends and relatives into the company without thinking of their relevance to the organization and their strategic fit (Don't forget to pay them well.).
6. Make it a habit to listen to them and believe them more than your older employees.
7. Fall for employees who are con men and swindlers and handover all your crucial data to them.
8. Conduct team meetings and listen patiently to all the business inputs given by the experienced employees. Sounding odd. Read it again, it says listen, just listen and only listen.
9. Don't try to put processes in place as they would make life easy for your employees and might prompt them to stay with the company for long.
10. Propagate that your company is growing, spend lakhs of rupees on hiring new people, put them under your wily friends as part of their probation, tease and torment them and finally throw them out of the organization. This will help you in securing negative publicity about the company quickly.
11. Ask dogs to carry loads and donkeys to bark.
12. Never speak to your employees when the company is not doing well. Instead, sack people mercilessly and still expect others to remain loyal to you.
So children, hope you have learnt a few vital tips on how to ruin a company's future. Now it's your turn to identify a few companies that have followed the above tips strictly and got the fruits.
Readers are welcome to post their tips for the children.
October 18, 2008 at 10:05 PM
Apt observations those. Very strongly worded I must say.
October 19, 2008 at 10:50 AM
Didn't take much time to write them. Hope the concerned persons see it (after I get my certificates and dues).
October 23, 2008 at 10:07 PM
As today I could take out some time, here are few add-ons to the list:
* Give importance to petite things and let the most important things go unnoticed. For ex. be fussy about the time spent by an employee in the office than the quality and quantity of work he puts in. If he is late to the office by more than 15 mins for some reasons which can be considered, cut his salary hampering his confidence in the management and his enthusiasm. Don’t forget to give them warning letters saying that he would be sacked if he doesn’t observe timings. Work is least important.
* Don’t forget to address female employees in a rude manner. Tell them that the organization is not there to support female employees who have kids. When she requests for10 more minutes of time to reach office as she has been single parenting the kid because her husband is working in some other city, don’t hesitate to tell her that “We are not here to take care of an employee whose husband doesn’t stay in the city.” Mind you, she only asks for flexible timings. She doesn’t want to ignore the total time she has to be there in the office. Never try to understand their rationale which any good corporate does to an extent.
* Poke nose into trivial issues and never think about what’s happening in a team and how to improve competencies of employees.
* Create an ever-increasing egoistic environment in the office between the superiors and juniors, and between management and employees.
October 24, 2008 at 11:33 AM
One more tip.. Plzz…
* Make your employees feel unworthy of the position they are holding to the maximum extent. In other words, make sure to let them know or remind them that they are over-paid for the responsibility they are handling as many times as possible. No matter authority is given or not to carry out their responsibility perfectly. This will definitely fit the stratagem of a company to vanish in no time.
October 24, 2008 at 5:28 PM
My dear friends, few more pearls of wisdom I can add. Make your company a time pass and raring ground for retired old rouges who are decades away from latest technologies, are jealous and filled with inferiority complex when they see young professionals work perfectly.
People who have lived their entire life to reach retirement, but still have their thirst for authority unquenched. They find immense pleasure in screwing dedicated, straight forward employees who speak their mind.
For a company to get destroyed successfully it should have a typical combination of the following:
- An ambitious boss who should be stupid enough to long for an Aladin lamp. He should be courageous enough to pick up any business he finds profitable which can be anything from publishing to a matrimonial bureau to selling pesticides and naphthalene balls on the road side. I am confident he is dare enough to do even that.
- A villain operations head who owns a devilish mind but wears a cute smile. He uses a puppet to implement all his devilish ideas just to maintain his collar clean.
- An HR manager picked up from a road side vendor who looks like a security guard, speaks like a ticket blacker outside the cinema hall, and invests all his energy in praising the top management to gain space in their good books.
- The management should recruit people on all positions mindlessly and expect tehm to do miracles in terms of generating business. If not done, the management should fire them without a thought. Again the recruitment cotinues....
The list is endless, and I have more to pour out from my heart than this page can contain. But I feel I have written enough to mention the highlights.
October 24, 2008 at 10:32 PM
@analyst speak: Thanks for the lengthy comment. I believe you must be someone from our company, in fact from our department, but I am unable to figure out.
Could you let me know your identity?
Post a Comment